She’s always been the bravest person I know…
This week’s blog is a heartfelt one. Get the tissues ready.
We had my parents over for Thanksgiving this year, as we celebrate together every year, but this year was different.
For those who don’t know me very well, couldn’t possibly know or imagine the person my Mother is. Her and my dad gave me absolutely everything I could ever want as a child and I had the utmost amazing childhood. I was given top notch education growing up and lived very comfortably. Once my dad lost his job, things got VERY rough. We moved in with my Grandfather, I wasn’t allowed to play outside due to the neighborhood crime rate being too high for my parents’ liking. My mom and I were getting more and more distant as I grew into a teenager. Things were bad, but they still tried to give me everything even if it meant sacrificing their own wants and needs. Once my mom’s parents passed away we had to uproot from Houston to Lafayette. Leaving everything I ever knew behind. My relationship with my parents was the worst at this point. In a nut shell, I put my parents through hell in Highschool and my teenager years! She even kept a journal about my behavior towards her! I Thank God for my children every day because they sure woke me up and made me realize how important parents are!
Fast forward to today, that woman is my best friend. She’s the one I run to and call when I’m having a rough day. She’s my kids’ hero. Words can’t describe how much my mom means to me. Here’s the thing tho, she’s always been my best friend and I didn’t even see it! She’s stuck by my side through it all. She never judged me or my decisions, instead, she helped me rise up and do better EVERY SINGLE TIME. She never gave up on me, though she had a few choice words in her little journal about me. [I totally get it mom]
Alzheimer’s has a way of stealing the person you love right before your eyes every single day. My mom and I watched this same disease take control over her own mother’s life. We cared for her with complete and unconditional love and did every little her way or the highway until she went to meet our Father in Heaven. My mom has had Alzheimer’s now for almost 15 years and for a while it stayed at a steady plateau but as time goes on, I can see the toll it takes on her.
I see the pain in her eyes, I see the fear she has for the very first time in my life….
She told me on Thanksgiving Day, “Kylie, I’m so tired…” and it completely broke me. She forgot my name a few weeks ago and it’s been downhill since. She’s lost her hope, her strength, her courage to keep fighting, and she’s losing her faith. I know this because she also said…”I hope I get accepted into Heaven”. Which is blasphemy because everyone that knows her, calls her an Angel on Earth! If that wasn’t enough to crush me, she added that she misses her mom and dad so much. Then, just at that moment, we look in the sky and see what we’d like to believe to be an angel.
Just as we saw one, we saw another and she knew it was her mom and dad! She needed that breath of fresh air! She needed to know that her parents will ALWAYS be there for her just as she and my dad will too.
Though I will never be ready for the time that I have to tell my mom goodbye, I know she will be at peace. I know her happiness will be beaming down on me and my kids as they play outside. I know the sun touching my skin will be her holding me close. I know the wind will be her telling to think it over again and the rain will be her telling me to do better. There’s no telling how I will make it without her in my life, but I will rise up. I will make her proud.
The point of this blog is to say that Alzheimer’s needs to be heard, it needs to be seen. We need a cure. My mom faces the fact that there may be no cure in time for her, but she will smile down on us all once there is. This disease is terrifying for her and she’s always been the one to face my fears for me. I am ready to do the same for her now. Bless you all for taking time to read more about my mom!